Behavioural signs that your child is being bullied

The experience of being bullied often causes young people to have very confused feelings. Young people who are being bullied sometimes respond by withdrawing into themselves and sometimes by lashing out. Many young people who are bullied exhibit both these behaviours.

a)   Withdrawal & self-abuse

• Being generally withdrawn (including withdrawal from physical contact with you and other family members and friends; avoiding eye contact and general nervousness; not wanting to communicate; spending a lot of time shut away in his/her room, particularly if this is out of character).
• Exclusion from group activities. If your child stops seeing a friend or group of friends, or if a friend/group of friends no longer seem interested in seeing her/him you should try to talk about it. It’s not uncommon for young people to fall out with their friends, but young people will sometimes exclude themselves from a group because they are experiencing bullying within it or be excluded by a group as part of a campaign of indirect bullying. A young person in either position is likely to be feeling vulnerable and bad about themselves and it is important for you, as a parent/carer, to help boost their self-esteem.
• Eating disorders (e.g. comfort eating or denying oneself food) and changes in eating habits. You may become worried about your child’s eating habits and weight - perhaps he/she has suddenly gained or lost a significant amount of weight. Comfort eating and starving oneself are not uncommon responses to depression caused by bullying. A lot of bullying is to do with personal appearance, size and shape and young people experiencing bullying often have a very negative self-image and are very dissatisfied with their bodies.
• Alcohol and/or drug use (this can sometimes be a coping mechanism for young people being bullied or a result of peer pressure). If you find that a child in your care is using alcohol or drugs, it is important to find out why they have been doing so rather than just punishing them. Otherwise, if he/she is being bullied or experiencing some other kind of problem you will just make him/her feel more isolated and excluded. If you are concerned that a child in your care may have a problem with alcohol or drugs, regardless of whether it is related to bullying, there are a number of organisations that can give you help and advice. You can find information on how to contact them in helpful links.
• Self-harming. Young people who are bullied are sometimes driven to self-harming. If your child seems generally unhappy and in a state of emotional confusion, keep an eye out for him/her. Be aware that small injuries, cuts, bitemarks, cigarette burns, etc. can be evidence of self-harming. If your child is self-harming for whatever reason you can contact your GP for help and advice.

b)  Lashing out & abuse of others

• Behaving in a disruptive and challenging way, refusing to co-operate with you and other family members. Or you may be told that your child is behaving in this way at school/PRU/youth club, etc., or starting to get into trouble with the police.
• Behaving or starting to behave in a bullying and abusive way towards other people at home, e.g. younger children in the household. Or you may be told that your child is starting to behave like this at school/PRU, etc.

c)   General

• A child who is being bullied may frequently “lose” money, possessions, items of clothing and equipment. This may be because somebody is taking them from her/him.
• A child who is being bullied may be tired and sleepy a lot of the time and may complain that he/she is sleeping badly; or alternatively, he/she may seem hyperactive with too much energy and unable to concentrate.
• You may find that your child is often coming home from school/PRU before the end of the day, or else you may be called in to see your child’s teacher about lateness and truanting that you previously knew nothing about. Children and young people who are being bullied at school/PRU or on their way there and back often decide that they can’t face going.

You may also find that your child changes his/her route to school suddenly. This can be to avoid meeting the people doing the bullying.

If your child shows one or more of these indicators she/he is not necessarily being bullied, but these signs are a good indication that something is causing her/him difficulty and distress, and so they are your cue to try and find out what is wrong and support and help your child with any problems that she/he may be experiencing.

Many of the indicators listed above are also common to young people experiencing abuse at the hands of an adult. If, as a result of following up on indicators that you have observed, you suspect that a child in your care may be being abused or if a child discloses abuse to you then you  must report the abuse.