How do I know if my child is a bully?

Children who are bullying are highly unlikely to talk about their behaviour, either because they are afraid of your reaction or because they don’t believe that what they’re doing is wrong.

As parents and carers, we hope that our children and those in our care can to talk to us if they are having problems, if they are in trouble or if something is making them scared or miserable. However, even if you have a good relationship with them this can be difficult. If you don't have a terribly easy relationship with your child and you find it difficult to talk to each other, you will need to be even more patient in your approach with them.

Often young people bully because they are being bullied and harassed in some way themselves. This may be at school of course, but it can also happen at home. This might be difficult to consider, but try and look at your family/extended family dynamics and see if there are any tense or troubling relationships. Bullying routinely goes on between siblings and other family members.

It may also help you to look at reasons young people have given for bullying when interviewed:

• I'm angry
• I'm being bullied myself
• If I don't do it first, it will happen to me
• All my mates do it
• It makes me popular
• I'm lonely

Here are some lists of physical, emotional and behavioural clues that you may see in your child if he/she is bullying. They may help you to support your child if he/she is having a problem with bullying but has not yet been able to talk to you about it. By picking up on these clues, you can then raise the subject of bullying with your child.

Physical signs

Emotional signs

Behavioural signs