What else can I do?

Here are some positive steps you can take towards ensuring that children in your care have a sense of their own worth which will help them to value others, accept their differences and understand their own rights and freedoms and those of others. Helping children to achieve a sense of self-worth will also make it less likely that they will feel the need to bully others and make them less likely to be bullied and better able to cope with it if they are.

Encourage children to express their opinions by asking for them and listening when they give them. If they express an opinion that is offensive to you explain why you find it offensive instead of just getting angry or telling them they are wrong.

Everybody has something that he/she is good at and likes to do. Encourage your child in anything that he she is good at and let them know that you think they are good at it and that it is a valuable thing to be good at. They might be good at running, telling stories, making people laugh, cooking, drawing, looking after brothers and sisters … it doesn’t matter what. Try to give them regular opportunities to do things that they are good at and praise them for their abilities. This will help build their confidence when it comes to dealing with things that they’re not so good at.

Encourage children to care for and consider others and to reject and challenge bullying behaviour when they see it. The best way to do this is through your own example and through talking to them about why it’s important to be considerate of other people and not to put up with bullying. This is not the same thing as fighting with bullies, but just letting them know that you are not afraid of them and that their behaviour is not getting to you (even if it is).

Challenge stereotypes about people based on things like gender, race, religion, sexuality, disability, age, etc., and encourage children to acknowledge and value the things that are different and unique in other people and themselves, instead of rejecting and fearing them as threats to their identity or things that will cause them to be rejected by others. There may be certain lifestyles and beliefs that you personally disagree with and as a parent or carer you may want to let your children know this, but if you can manage to do this by saying “I disagree with this, but everyone has a right to choose for himself/herself” your children are more likely to respect your beliefs in the long run whether or not they share them and are likely to grow up with a respect for the right to freedom of expression.

Teach that bullying others is always a choice and help children to examine why bullying occurs and to work out alternative and constructive ways to resolve conflict situations, and deal with feelings of fear, anger and frustration.

Encourage children to practice co-operation as an alternative to competition at the expense of others. There is nothing wrong with competition, but if children never learn to co-operate and only ever compete against others then they are likely to have problems with social exclusion.
Ask to see a copy of the anti-bullying policy at your child’s school/PRU if you haven’t already. A lot of policies are written in very official language. If you have difficulty understanding it, then the chances are that your child will, too, not to mention his/her teachers. A policy that children, parents and carers and staff can’t understand is not a lot of good. Ask the member of staff in charge of the school’s anti-bullying policy to explain what it means and suggest that it is re-written in plain language.

If they don’t already exist, suggest that your child’s school/PRU builds links and shares anti-bullying best practice with other local, youth organisations that may have contact with the children that they work with (e.g. schools/Pupil Referral Units/Youth Service/Connexions/statutory and voluntary youth clubs and out-of-school projects/Youth Offending Teams, etc.). If your child is experiencing bullying-related problems, encourage his/her school/PRU to communicate with you and other groups and professionals who work with him/her. You could try asking the school/PRU to contact their local Connexions office (the Government help and advice service for young people from 11 years upwards) and ask about the possibility of your child getting a Connexions Personal Adviser.